LOVE AT A DEAD END (IS NOTHING BUT FLAT) – 2

Café Winok / A Farewell to Brussels. 

Previously on our Blog, we had said:

“Meeting places are -interestingly- often located in the most vital points of

cities. Opening to a different world from all sides, sailing out to all kinds of

possibilities… Just like the beginning of a new week or the marking of the New

Year.”

So true! Meeting points are usually situated at the intersection of two

streets/avenues.

During the last three weeks I spent in Brussels, I created a second home out of

a corner café called Café Winok. Named after the owners dog, Winok was full

of cheerful people sitting at long tables, laughing at 8:30 in the morning; it

attracted crowds even when (at the coldest weather) the city seemed to be

deserted outside. I was wondering what made this place so appealing, until I

saw the character Winok the dog.

Roaming all over the place every hour and every day, Winok the dog was

black, bold and vagabond, and straightforward in character. He dared snarl at

customers, while making us know that the café was anyone’s but his. His

inaccessibility and careless attitude made me attached to him, despite my

ambivalence and a bit of bitterness. The café was his, and so was I.

Just before I left Brussels, I wrote the following note (on an eco-friendly &

recyclable napkin, just like anything else in Belgium) and left it to Winok.

“Hello Winok,

No need to have broken my heart. Whenever I tried to caress you, you

gave me the side-eye and went on roaming among other customers. Do

you know that back home in Turkey, we have a close relationship with

animals? I should’ve known better. You would never get this, you

Westerner, narcissistic jerk. The only reason why I frequent this place is the

quality of coffee. And the wonderful taste of Pastel de nata. That’s all I have

to say.”

I added my Instagram DM on the corner of the napkin. With a slight hope that

he might wanna respond. Eventually, he did.

“Hi Turkish girl,

Grrr. Woof!”

You douchebag.

What made Winok so attractive was his careless attitude and capacity to have

fun by himself, roaming around the place.

In his article published in 1914 on Narcissism, Freud said: It seems very

evident that another person's narcissism has a great attraction for those who have renounced part of their own narcissism/self-love and are in search of

object-love. The charm of a child lies - to a great extent - in his narcissism, his

self-contentment and inaccessibility, just as does the charm of certain animals

which seem not to concern themselves about us, such as cats and the large

beasts of prey.”

The more Winok is careless, the more lovers, mates and working lads he

will attract to the place, that’s for sure. Also supported by the endurance

and continuity of most bars/roasteries in Europe.

One more note: this tiny little blog is not a praise to narcissism at all.

Winok’s specialty is the fact that he actually does not care. For real. He

does not pretend, turning his self-love into a prey to hunt hot chicks.

If we are finding ourselves wildly and sickly attracted to a someone

belonging to human species and not to a species of large beasts, then

could it be possible that, quoting from Freud: “(we might have) given up a

part of our own self-love, and be in search of object-love?”

When we give up on self-love, we hold our own selves by the hand and

drag them to a dead-end. Remember: In a dead end, loving is not vivid.

Love at a dead end is nothing but deadly. And flat.